The most important thing I’ve learned about social confidence, coaching people to develop this quality over the past few years, is that your level of social confidence is primarily determined by your mindset.
How confident you are socially has little to do with how smart you are, how funny you are or how good looking you are, and it has a lot to do with your personal system of beliefs and perceptions.
In time, I realized there are 3 powerful mindsets that, if you practice and take in, will help you significantly in boosting your social confidence…
Mindset No. 1: “I am good enough.”
A lot of people who lack social confidence don’t see themselves as good enough for others the way they are. Many of them have a poor self-image or they suffer from an inferiority complex. As a result, they go into social settings expecting for others to not like them. So it’s only natural for them to feel anxious and not be very social.
But the truth is that almost every time, their belief that they’re not good enough is false. It’s something they came to believe for the wrong reasons, and it has little to do with reality. This is why it’s important to adopt the mindset that you are good enough.
When you’re in a social setting, try to think of yourself as good enough, and to hold this mindset. You’ll notice that you’ll be more relaxed and more social. And interestingly enough, if you think you’re good enough, others will tend to reach the same conclusion about you.
Mindset No. 2: “The world is a friendly place.”
Another common trait for people who lack social confidence is the inclination to see the world as an unfriendly place. They think others are rude and unsympathetic, and they just want to exploit them or make fun of them. It’s no wonder that they often have no friends whatsoever or just a couple of friends they’re not particularly fond of.
However, for the most part, this assumption they have is untrue. They only think this way because they’ve just over-generalized from a few bad experiences with people, often without even realizing it. There may be some mean people out there, but most people are actually friendly and eager to talk to others.
So it makes sense to adopt the mindset that the world is a friendly place. This will encourage you to be friendly with others, and typically they’ll respond in kind. This in turn will confirm that people are generally friendly, and it will make it even easier to be friendly yourself.
Mindset No. 3: “Everything is a learning experience.”
When you talk to people, you will make mistakes. You will say something inappropriate, you will be weird at times, or you won’t make that good of an impression. The most important mindset to adopt in order to keep going instead of withdrawing into your shell is that all of this is a learning experience.
Your social intelligence and social skills develop as you interact with others. Any mistake you make is an opportunity to learn and take your skills to the next level. And if you’re willing to go through a lot of learning, you can reach a skill level that few people ever reach.
This is why it’s crucial to think of any social interaction as a learning experience. Take the lessons you can from it and keep walking. As you learn and your social skills develop, so does your social confidence.
Adopt the right mindsets, and you can reach any degree of social confidence you want. And the more confident you are, the easier it is to build great relationships with people and have an amazing social life. I’m sure that you’ll love it.
Eduard Ezeanu is a social confidence coach and the creator of People Skills Decoded. He helps others to identify and overcome their limiting beliefs, in order to develop rock-solid social confidence, as well as a fulfilling social life.